When Should I Get Another Dog, When to move on?
When your dogs have a job, like in a farm situation, or even my situation. I like to have a watchdog. Just an extra set of ears and eyes to alter me. It’s pretty easy to know. You have a job opening and you need a furry employee, but emotionally is your family ready? When I lost my dear Minion I was shattered and as the quiet in the house without him became deafening, (we had 2 senior dogs that didn’t have his singing talents) I went on the hunt for a new pup.
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Now, life is a journey and I am one to admit my mistakes. This was all during the Covid mess. Yes, I got a covid pup. Not on purpose, but I did. A few things went wrong with a covid puppies, that I may cover in another post, but besides that. I don’t think my family was emotionally ready. First, I unintentionally showed my daughter you lose a pet, you replace it. This isn’t a lesson I want to instill in my daughter. Animals like people, are unreplaceable. You will never get the same dog twice. I think this overall is just a disfavor to life. It pushes the processes of grief too fast. Like, “Well that’s over, on to the next.” Not what I was going for. It was a little hard to work out when we lost our second dog and we didn’t have any intentions of filling his spot anytime soon. She didn’t understand why we just didn’t get another dog. Honesty, we didn’t want 3 dogs. We’d like to have only 2. One reason I justified getting a puppy so soon, was I wanted a young dog to keep a watch on things. Since we now had our more alert eyes and ears. We had no reason to replace our 3rd dog. Our numbers could now be 2 and stay that way. Explaining this to a young child that had not only lost one but two dogs in a very short time; with one of those two being replaced almost instantly, it was rough. And maybe could have been avoided with some more fragile navigation and consideration.
Another place consideration would have been nice, is with my spouse. Because Minion had always been MY dog. I didn’t take into thought how my spouse was grieving too. He was keeping a stiff upper lip for my daughter and me. Trying to be the steady thing to lean on. He put on a great show, maybe too good of one, because I thought he was pretty neutral. I kind of blindly focused on what I thought I wanted, without checking in with him.
Honestly, I didn’t give myself enough time to grieve. Maybe I was pushing myself to move on without giving my own emotions their needed time and honor to process. Because, I don’t remember much of Rigby, our new dog’s, puppyhood. I feel like I was in a dream state. He became house broke and trained well enough, but I don’t have much recollection of it. Showing me I wasn’t completely emotionally available for the process.
Here’s my advice on navigating when to get another dog. Give it some time. Understand what it’s like to not have that family member around anymore. Acknowledge your feelings and everyone else’s. Don’t fall into my mistake of blindly taking action. I’m notoriously known for running into action to avoid emotions. If you can relate, make sure to check yourself when you feel that restless need to do something, anything. You’re probably avoiding something. If you have other pets watch them too. They might not be ready for a new sibling either. Slow down and wait for everyone to be ready together. Sometimes the remaining pet might get very depressed and not be themselves, they could be grieving too. If their overall health is affected it may be time for a vet visit. If they’re healthy, and all the humans are ready, I would consider another pet. Lots of rescues will let you do meet and greets with your pet, so they can be a part of the process too.
In some cases though, I’ve heard the pet left behind, blossoms. It’s usually if the lost pet had a stronger more dominating personality. The more submissive pet might come out of its shell, after losing the higher-ranking sibling. You might see another side of your dog. They become more outgoing, attention-seeking, playful, and involved. I would get to know this new personality before getting another sibling. They may thrive being on their own. Family members may say they don’t want another pet. Their wishes should be respected. Usually, they just need more time. If they’re a true pet lover they won’t stay that way. They just need to heal. Losing a dog is traumatic and heartbreaking. The bittersweet part of loss is it can grow the living closer together. It’s just about taking time and truly acknowledging your feelings. Having good communication and observing those around you. Encouraging everyone else to be true to themselves, and being intuitive enough to know that, maybe they don’t know what they’re feeling. Especially children, hold their hands and walk them through it, being available and understanding. Let them ask questions and answer to your best abilities. Use this opportunity to teach them about loss. Then you can teach them how to heal and love again.
Here’s some books I recommend from amazon to help your child with the process.
